Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Story - Chapter 2.

But let me tell you a little more about myself. Or at least the girl I was before. A 17 year old girl who just lost it. I have long dark hair, which reminds people of spring. Don't know why, but that is what they say. I have brown eyes. Brown is an ordinary color and according to me it shows desperation. I've never liked it before , I still don't like it very much. What I do like is books and music. If one day I find myself again surely it would be trough the music.
- Mom !! - I shouted again but this time the answer came.
The door opened so hard that if you were in here you could feel the rage in the wind.
- What ! - said mom with an angry voice. I always seem to annoy her.
- Just wanted to ask if you could drive me to school ? - She had promised. Last week at 7.13 P.M. I remember all that because that was my only chance to get some alone time with her. To chat , to ask what's going on. But the answer , send all my hopes away.
- Can't you just take the bus ?
- But you promised !!
- I remember no such thing. - that was the alcohol talking. Why can't I just get a normal mother who can hear me out?
- Never mind.
She slammed the door so hard that the floor shivered. I got my bag, switched the music on and was ready to go. Preston School here I come!
__________________________________________________

When I walked into the room there was almost nobody there. Just the class nerd, who was so isolated in his own world that you even can't quite understand in what language he's talking in. There's my desk , the last one in the third row. I open my schedule book to see what's on my 'to do' list. I tend to forget things, important things that lead to terrible turn outs. The date - 15.04 and oh great! I need to jump to the dry cleaners to get moms work clothing. I look further down and there's my horror. An exam! Today! In Geometry! I've been so depressed lately that I haven't even noticed!! Damn! What am I possibly going to do when ...
- Hey . - my panic attack was interrupted by a soft male voice behind me. Well who could that be. I turn around and see a boy. It's Bryan from room 402. He's best friends with Patrick the brainless jock from my class. - Do you know where Patrick is? - Man, he's handsome.
Of course. Why would he be talking to me unless to ask about his friend?
- Do I look like I know where he is? - That's me beeing unfriendly. I was still pissed off at my mother about today.
His green eyes showed surprise. Has anyone talked to him that way before? I realized how rude I was and didn't liked it. Didn't liked it at all.
- Sorry - was the plain apology. - I'm a little moody today.
- I can see that. Just asked that guy over there. - he pointed at Bobby - the nerd. - but I didn't quite understood what he was saying.
My laugh burst out. Maybe the first laugh in a while.
- What's so funny?
- Nothing. If Patrick comes today I'll let him know that you've been searching for him.
- Okay. Thanks. And heads up. - he smiled and walked out of the room.
Bryan. Bryan from room 402 just talked to me. Should I feel happy or should I feel sorry for myself for falling for that?

Monday, August 8, 2011

A story . Chapter 1.

I've always thought that my life will be like one of those teenage movies , where the girl gets it all in the end . When I moved I thought that the cute boy next door will fall in love with me instantly. I had even imagined a couple of romantic moments together. Total dreamer , right? But life doesn't happen always as planned. Your parents get divorced, you move to another country, you lose contact with someone. Things take an unexpected turn all the time and we have to accept it. And the boy next door? He wasn't even a boy. He was an old grumpy lady, who shouts even if you make the slightest noise. Fun, eh ? Life is hard and you can't be sure what awaits you at the next corner. And me? I'm just a normal teenager who finds happiness in writing and music.
- Mom !! - shouted I. - Hey Mom!
But she wasn't there. For some unknown reasons my mom was neglecting me. Shouting , even when I'm innocent. Too much going on ? Maybe. Too much pressure? Sure. It's not easy to work and take care of a child alone , but do I deserve such treatment? I usually don't talk about it and just put on a pair of headphones and sink in the melody of the song that's playing on my iPod.
I'm just looking for someone who will understand me. My parents - they are a dead end case. My friends - not so many anymore. A boy ? What ? I'm not in one of those fairytales, right ?
I look through the window and I see a lot . I see trees , I see people, going to work. I see cars, I see birds. I see pretty much everything so my eyes are pretty much fine. But why is that when I look in the mirror , I don't see myself?

To be continued ...

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

When You Smile . . .


When I'm bored - I write !
I make an effort to write songs , poems , stories . Everything that comes into my mind . The following poem /if I can call it that/ was written at school though I don't quite remember in which class . Maybe Math ?? Or German ?? I don't know . Doesn't matter .
I don't quite remember about who I was thinking about while I was writing it , but I bet it was a boy I like(d) . I hope you enjoy it .



When you smile ,
I fix my dress ;
When you smile ,
I try to act my best ;
When you smile ,
I forget about the rest ;
When you smile ,
I feel a strange pain in my chest ;

I can't wait to see it ,
It makes me smile myself ,
It makes me come out of my shelf .
The feeling is one of a kind ,
And I can't seem to get you out of my mind .

When you smile ,
It makes me wanna cry ;
When you smile ,
but I don't know why ;
When you smile ,
I think about love forever ;
When you smile ,
I imagine us together ;

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I'm a Hopeless Romantic !


Is there a feeling better and stronger than love ??
I don't know .
What's it like to find 'the one' ??
I don't know .
What's it like to think about the same dazzling eyes over and over again ??
I don't know .
But if you can dream about all of the above .. you're a pretty romantic fella . (:

Don't you want a boy to pick up a flower and than give it to you ?

Do you imagine , if a girl organizes a picnic during the night for you ? When you can count shooting stars together?

Do you like it when you walk hand in hand with the one you can call 'yours' ?

I dream about these stuff , I'm sure you do to .. If you are a girl 100 % ! .

Don't reject it , it sounds so sweet .
and what about if someone wrote you a song and played it in public ?

I have so many ideas for romantic things , but have no one to show them to .
Isn't it ironic how some people just can't kiss somebody just for the fun of it ? And others do it so easily ? The ones that can commit are found in a dead end situation . They can rearly find someone worthy of their love . Or is it the opposit ? I really hope that's not the case .

and yet . I can't get out of my mind .
I won't stop till i find .
someone new .. someone true .
But when i meet him , i'll have no clue ! .
that he'll be so important to me .


Oh please , come faster .


Monday, February 21, 2011

My Life be like Ooh Ahh *



Hello theree ,

I'm addicted .

Not to drugs , no . I'm addicted to snow . I love it . It's so white and clean .

And one thing I'm a sucker about is winter sports like snowboard , ski or ice skating . And the best part of those sports ? The Freeride of course . Going trough forests , mountains , falling and than not getting up , because the snow is too deep . Going off jumps , rails and doing all the tricks you can . Priceless ! When you jump , you feel like you are fuckin' flying . I can't explain it in words , you'll just have to see for yourselfs . (: .

But with that feeling of freedom comes the 'I'm afraid. ' part . Yeah , it's pretty annoying and don't act like you havn't felt afraid while doing something dangerious , while the adrenalin is rushing trough your vains . When you are jumping you should forget all about this stuff , you shouldn't think at all . And the trick will eventually work , after a little bit of hard core falls . The thing I'm afraid of is breaking something and not beeing able to walk afterwards , but I hope in time I will overcome all this and jump with all my heart !

Don't act like you're not scared . Everybody shares that feeling .
Me ? I chicken out right before the jump . Three times I did a perfect 360 jump and I was so prould of myself . That was last year . Now ? I'm scared to do it again . But I'm sure that it will work sooner or later and I can move on to the next trick . That is 540 . Haha , still have time till then , don't I ? (:


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Let me be !


Clouds fill my mind ;
The inspiration , it's hard to find ;
I'm confused , but aren't we all ?
Since the day we dropped our little toy ball ??

Learn to fall !
It's something beautiful like you ;
It's only learned by a few ;
Look at me ! What do you see ??
A girl lost in thoughts by the sea ??
Well that's who I am ;
I won't change that for the world ;
Neither for you ;
Neither for he ;
Just let me be !

Dude , let's get wasted !


Have you ever been drunk ?


By the age of 16 most teens have been drunk several times . They are prould of the things they do and they think they are the coolest thing ever . Yeah . Maybe it's fun to get drunk once or twice , but to make a habit out of it - it's just stupid .
It's wierd how everybody thinks that they are so bad ass , when they get wasted . Then most people start to comment on how nasty it is to see a girl/boy drunk , vommiting all over the place . Not the nicest thing , is it ? The question is - why do they keep doing what they do ? Put aside the side effects and your social life , but what will people think of you . There is this saying that you shoudn't get offended by other people's expectations of you . You should build your life the way YOU want to and be happy . Live every moment with passion . Ignore other people . Yeah , but in this case it's different . Would you ignore the fact that your best friend doesn't approve of your behaviour ? Maybe she isn't right to judje you , but won't you feel a little bit guilty for what you did and bragging all about it the next day ? Or the woman downstairs is cursing you , because you waked the whole neighborhood last night?

This is the same as a one-night stand . You are cool when you're doing it , but after that everything colapses . It's just you and the bottle .

Some people drink , because they don't know how to have fun .
Some people drink , because they think that makes them cool .
Some people drink , just for the feeling of it .
Some people drink , because they have serious mental problems .
Some people drink , so they can just try .
Some people drink , so they can forget .
Some people drink , because they are addicted .

So which one are you ?

Neither of the above are worth it . I can give numerous solutions to each and every one of them . Drinking won't help . It may , but just for a little , it will hold for an hour or two the wall which is about to fall inside of you . And then what ? I bet you'll continue .It's naive .